Self Care isn't Selfish
An endless cycle of school meetings, managing meltdowns, future planning, etc. can mean there's one person who's needs often go unaddressed...
YOURS!
YOUR WELLBEING IS NOT OPTIONAL
YOUR WELLBEING IS ESSENTIAL
Parenting any teen can be challenging, but add in the unique needs of your autistic teen and we see a stress profile unlike any other. The fact that you are constantly trying to ensure that your teen is not experiencing overwhelming anxiety can in turn cause you constant anxiety. Often this goes unnoticed or intentionally ignored as you may always feel like "that parent" who always has something to complain about, or "that parent" who is overprotective of their child.
These silent labels will all be adding to your stress.
In addition, you are not experiencing temporary anxiety which will pass, your work is ongoing.
It is therefore super important to acknowledge the oxygen mask principle...
In the event of an airplane emergency always ensure you fit your own oxygen mask before helping others.
WHY?
Because if you don't, you'll all perish 🤷🏼♀️
You simply cannot sustain the energy needed for effective care and advocacy and emotional support if you are running on empty...
Decision Fatigue and Analysis Paralysis
Parents of autistic teens make an estimated 300+ more decisions daily than parents of neurotypical teens—from interpreting non-verbal cues to weighing intervention options. Each decision carries weight because the stakes feel higher, leading to decision fatigue that compounds over time.
Relationship Strain
Your relationship with your partner, other children, and extended family often experiences unique pressures. Research indicates divorce rates are higher among parents of autistic children, not because autism causes relationship problems, but because systems fail to support families adequately, leaving parents to fill every gap.
Listen to your body
Your body often signals burnout before your mind acknowledges it. Watch for sleep disturbances despite exhaustion, frequent minor illnesses, tension headaches, digestive issues, and appetite changes. These physiological responses aren't weaknesses—they're your body's alarm system.
Cognitive Changes
Difficulty concentrating on tasks unrelated to your teen, inability to remember conversations or appointments, decreased problem-solving capacity, and black-and-white thinking patterns suggest your cognitive reserves are depleted. When you can't remember the last time you thought about something unrelated to autism or caregiving, it's time to intervene.
Social Withdrawal
Isolation often happens gradually—first declining "optional" social events, then necessary ones, and eventually avoiding support systems because explaining your situation feels like another task. This withdrawal creates a dangerous cycle that removes potential sources of support precisely when they're most needed.
Try these simple techniques which all take under 5 minutes
Breath Reset
Even brief physiological interventions can interrupt stress patterns. Try 4-7-8 breathing (inhale for 4, hold for 7, exhale for 8) which activates the parasympathetic nervous system in just 3 cycles.
SPLASH!
Try the cold water face immersion technique—simply splashing cold water on your face—triggers the mammalian dive reflex, reducing heart rate almost instantly.
Micro-Boundary Setting
Small boundaries create breathing room...
Practice saying "I need to check my calendar before I commit" instead of immediate yes responses.
Use airplane mode for 5-minute communication breaks.
Create a visual "Do Not Disturb" signal that family members respect for brief periods.
Have a Blowout!
Allow yourself timed emotional release...
Set a timer for 2 minutes of permitted worry, frustration, or grief.
When the timer ends, physically change your position or location.
This prevents emotional suppression while also containing difficult feelings that might otherwise expand to fill all available space.
Anything but Autism
Make time to do something totally unrelated to Autism!
Search for silly cat videos or comedy sketches on your phone
Not only will this give you a giggle, it might bring a welcome change to your phone's algorithm!
Let us know what you think in the comments!
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